So recently a friend from twitter had an encounter with a woman best described as self-righteous and I began to wonder to myself what is the best way of handling those types of situations? Well, I don't think that there are any better two people poised to answering that question than the character's from my upcoming book, "Rubberband Lazer". May I present, Casey Norider and Jaq Synergy.
"Thanks, Nathan. We are both excited to be here. I know Casey has been trying to get a word in since you left us at the end of Episode 3." Jaq says.
"Mighty interesting cliffhanger, I might add." Casey tips his cowboy hat in Nathan's direction. "Who else could get so much drama from drinking a single glass of punch? Now, a punch of glass? That would be more exciting!"
"Casey, I believe we are here to talk about people who come off as self-righteous and how to best handle the situation." Jaq intercedes.
"Absolutely correct, my astute cadet. I was merely reflecting on the glass. Anyway, Nathan, I believe the best way to address this situation is to get to the root cause of self-righteousness. You see... people breathe air--"
"I'm not sure how air has anything to do with it, Casey."
"Bear with me my young deputy, so mind your manners, else he'll be let loose. As I was saying, people breathe air. Now when people hold their breath the air gets nice and toasty inside. The thing of it is, that if you hold your breath for too long your lungs may explode. So in order to avoid unnecessary explosions, people release the pent up -- now hot -- air. Hot air has the tendencies of carrying words and sometimes entire sentences out of the throat without the person's knowledge. Hot air can be really tricky. The sentences tend to be ones that involve boasting, arguments, bad words, know-it-alls and of course self-righteous phrases."
"This has got to be the worst explanation ever."
"Not so, Jaq! Ever hear the phrase, 'Boy, that salesman down the street is just full of hot air?' Same principle. The problem with hot air, is that if you are near someone who is exhaling it, you too could inhale it and be victimized by it as well. That's how arguments start, Miss Synergy. Just two people blowing hot air at each other's faces. It's a downright shame. Some people don't even realize the potential dangers."
"Okay... so how do you explain those people who are self-righteous all the time? I hear Nathan's friend had a run in with someone who was a little overzealous in their religion. How does that play in?"
"Miss Synergy, have you ever seen a balloon?"
"And do you know that most balloons are hot air balloons?"
"Some of them, yes."
"Religion is a funny thing. People have religion for many reasons, one of which is acquiring that feeling of being uplifted. Well, in order to get that "uplifted" feeling you have to be filled with hot air. So people who are especially religious tend to have a lot of hot air inside them, and that is what causes them to be uplifted - which tends to translate into being self-righteous. Remember what I said about exploding? Too much hot air can rupture the lungs and cause considerable damage. Didn't I read something about some religious affiliations fearing the coming Rupture?"
"That's the Rapture, Casey."
"Sounds close enough. Like I was saying, religious individuals have to release hot air more frequently than non-religious individuals. That is probably why some aren't as tolerable than others. But you have to keep in mind that they are people just like you and me, and if they are grumpy or otherwise "rude" then the best remedy is to have them take a couple of cool breathes and they should be fine in no time."
"Not quite the explanation that I was thinking of, but there you have it, I guess... I'm feeling a bit light headed so I think I am going to go lay down."
"Just breathe my young cadet! Light-headedness comes from a lack of hot air! Breathe! Just Breathe."
And there you have it ladies and gentlemen. More words of wisdom from Casey Norider and Jaq Synergy later on.